Woke up when September ended to find it snowing

This morning I woke up from a nice sleep, I am getting better at this whole go to bed early thing. I think my body is starting to recover and feel normal again. This week I have not been feeling myself, I am never in a real good mood and I just feel sad...and I know exactly why. Hopefully though that in the next few months that follow(even the years that follow) will be happy and my dreams and plans work out. That WE work out. Anyways, enough of that. My feet are wet, my legs are getting dry and I am cold. I am developing this love/hate relationship for the weather up here in Logan. I am enjoying the weather right now, but this morning, heading to biology, I hated it. I was nearly completely soaked when I arrived, along with being very cold. I need warmer cloths and gear. And also something to cover my backpack so Clifford can stay warm and dry. I really wish I had a good poem to post today, but all I have is my old Creative Writing stuff, so here is a poem I wrote last year:

Chairs are the best way to sit

They provide back support and a place to rest

But resting is the best in bed

With big pillows and such

But it’s not great when someone eats crackers

While they are in bed

Then its makes everything all scratchy

And that is never good

When I climb in, I notice crumbs

Frustrated, I get out

There is no more clean sheets

Oh dear

So I think that I will just stand

Oh wait, there is a chair.

Fall

This is a fiction story I wrote a while back:

It is late September, the air is a brisk cold and the trees have shed the life of the year and are bare. The wind picks up and scatters leaves across the field as I walk across. I pull the zipper up higher on my thin, brown jacket, I can feel the fear come over me as I draw nearer to my destination. I know that this moment will change my life. I pause as I reach the corner, I stare up the street. There it is, the house. This isn’t any normal house though, this house is special. I start walking up the street, the sun is setting behind me, extending my shadow on the street. I reach the house, I stop. My thoughts start to drift off to a year ago where the sun setting didn’t mean darkness for me. I was in a park, swinging, swinging as high I the warm chains would allow me to. I could feel the sand shifting in my shoes, the wind passing every one of my hairs, and her voice. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. She was standing in front of the swing set watching me. Watching me, never letting her dark blue eyes move off of me. She moved her long brown hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ears. “You know, you can’t stay on there forever.” She said.

I wish I was still on that swing set, watching her. She was beautiful.

I made my way across the front yard, it was still damp from the sprinklers that came on in the morning. It never got warm enough anymore for water to evaporate. Nothing ever left here, once it was here, it was here to stay. I knew that that implied to me also, I was here to stay, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t leave. I reached the front steps, I slowly walked up them, counting each one. One, two, three, and four. There I was, staring at the door. I knew I had to do it, this couldn’t stay inside of me anymore. I opened the screen door and felt my cold knuckles hit the wooden door. Same as the steps, one, two, three, and four. The moment between me knocking and the door opening felt like an eternity. Leave I was telling myself, run as far away as you can and never look back. The door opened. There she was, her hair was shorter, but besides that, it was the same girl. The same girl that had drove me crazy everyday since the night on the swing set. I think she already knew why I was there, for she didn’t say anything. There wasn’t much emotion on her face, I was having a hard time reading her. We starred in each other’s eyes for a brief moment. Then I did it, I did what I was fearing to do since the first day I met her.

“I love you.”

Two-Faced

Today I feel tired. I really not in the best of moods, and sleep could probably be the cause of that. Last night(around 12:30) I went with Dan, Chuck, and people to Rancheritos, which is pretty much Betos. It was good and fun, and when I got back I went to bed. I did though, had a hard time falling asleep, tossing and turning. I did finally go to bed at 2ish, only to be woken at 4:45 by people being loud. I think it was just Chuck and I asleep. So I'm a little annoyed with some people right now, because it is just now that they are awakening for the day, not bothered that classes were missed.

Anyways here is a recent poem I wrote that I really like:

Oh where'd you go?

Those summer days are over

And the nights are getting slower

You're not the same person

And we're just getting farther

Where did we all go wrong?

I saw it all along

A friendship that's supposed to last

Is dying pretty fast

Oh where'd you go?

You're a two faced human bean

You're not what everyone sees

The friend that I once new

Has disappeared again

Your new life is what counts

You don't have any doubts

As I sit all alone

You conquer the social throne

So where'd you go?

And maybe as time goes by

You'll finally realize why

I was in your life

And we shall reminisce

About all the times we missed

But till then I'll wonder

Where'd you go?

Changing Times

Have you ever felt something incredible?

But it slips away in a moments time?

I swear I love her

but she's already gone

And I don't think that she'll ever turn back

I sit alone in my empty room

And think of the times we had

Like when I held her

And looked into her eyes

And when she kissed me

And everything was alright

Home

Since I am home for the weekend, I find myself alone in my room, a rare event in Logan. As I sit in my bed, I am looking through my notebook and I run into this poem I wrote right before heading to college:

I go around this neighborhood

Relive my childhood

The memories in the back of my head

The times that I will never forget

Now I'm 18, my whole life now ahead

Who will I be? Where will I go?

These streets are so familiar to me

Yet I have to go, I can't look back

Never have I been away for more than two weeks

This home has always been my only home

I leave with what things I have

Hoping that I won't have to come back

Plan is to go and make something of me

Define who I am, and what I will become

But yet, these streets seem so familiar to me

This is my home, my only home

Sigur Ros and a Fire Sprinkler

So I drove home this weekend and hope to have some fun down here. The drive was nice I guess, I listened to Motion City Soundtrack the whole way. I love the way Justin writes his lyrics, they are just so catchy......anyways besides that, the drive was boring.

So the other evening, I was in one of those weird moods where you just don't feel present. So I pulled out the Love Sac into the middle of our living room, collapsed upon it, and turned on some Sigur Ros. For the next twenty minutes or so, I sat there, starring at a fire sprinkler, thinking and listening. It was a wonderful moment. I suddenly came back to reality and shut my iPod off and ran into my room, pulled out my notebook and wrote this:

A moments glimpse of the future

What is to be

Time Replayed

Of what was

Does everything happen for a reason?

I close my eyes

Time is played before me

I can see it now

Will it come true?

The days change into seasons

Are You There?

God, are you there?

Are you speaking to me?

I need you to show me what I need to see

I'm lost and confused

I need some news

Please help me

God, are you with me?

Are you by my side?

I need help with the truth and lies

All those thoughts racing in my head

I need to know what my soul should be fed

Please help me

God, are you listening?

Are you giving me hope?

Help me find the things that I need most

Help me find my light, so it can glow

I'm so lost in my life, I could cry

But if I do, I need you by my side

To help me through these times

So please help me

Get some rest

Show me what is truly the best

So when I go to bed at night

Never again will I have to ask

"God are you there?"

Emergency Awakening

This morning I was awakened by the sound of my phone vibrating because I had a phone call. Who may it be? The USU emergency alert system doing a test. Groggy, I glance at the clock: 9:15. Wonderful, my biology lab started at 8:30. I swear this biology stuff is going to be the death of me, I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. So I arrive at my lab and the kid sitting next to me let me copy his worksheet for the current lab, THANK YOU!!! This will probably effect my lab report because I didn't really do the lab, but all is well....for now. But here I am once again sitting in the USU library doing homework, but this time it's fun homework. Today I have to write a review of something other than a film, so that should be interesting....I wish I had some writings to post, but I don't at the moment. Maybe I can post my personal narrative or something, but for now this is all.

I don't know what to think

I am sitting here in the Library at USU on the fourth floor trying to finish my Biology. I don't like biology, I don't understand it, but yet, I am in the class and I have to force myself to learn. I came up to Utah State University with the intent of becoming a Horticulturist, that plan was thrown out after the first week....and now, I don't know what I want to really do with my life. Lately though, I have been pondering about becoming a writer, because writing is something that comes easy for me, it is something that I love to do. The one problem is though....how do I know if I am a good writer? Everyone who reads my stuff just says the classic response: "It's good, I like it." You like it? Why do you like it? It never helps me. Maybe I can use this blog to post some writings and see what people think. Even if I were to become a writer, how the heck would I make money? Being a writer isn't really the best field to go into if you need to survive. I just hope with time, I will figure what I truly want in life and where I really want to go. Well, back to biology.