The Gloomy Optimist

I whisper hopes into my ear
Yet my mind never reaches for them
I try to convince myself.
Convince myself of what?
I grasp for a concept I shall never know
Each day, seeking deeper and deeper.
Why do I do this to myself?
I want things to be...that's it,
I don't know what I want things to be.
I think I had an idea once,
maybe twice
But now I am completely blank
Each night I run through it over and over again.
Each time, a different result
The good,
The bad,
The impossible,
but is it probable?
I will never know,
I will never try.
I don't regret.
But sometimes I think I should regret not regretting,
For regretting would make me
Mysterious?
A man with a past,
Something he won't talk about.
I have a past, that's for sure,
But I will talk about it, if you will listen
If anyone would.
I have an idea of a future,
one where you aren't in it.
But who are 'you'?
I have a dream of a life,
where you and I are together.
Not you, the other you
But then again, who are 'you'?
Please, please,
Come out and say.